The weekend that changed my life [Part 1]

It was a breezy Friday afternoon in early autumn, I had just gotten home from school and I was beginning to tear into the nutty bars in the pantry. Shearing the cellophane that encased the delicious after school snack, I begin to do a Tyrannosaurus-esq dance with my hands to rid them of the static charged material. Just as I set the delectable treat free there was an intense buzzing coming from my left pocket. I knew it had to be one of two things: I had not completely washed out the honey in my pocket from the night before and a large colony of bees was commandeering my pants, or it was my phone. I stuck my hand into the potential battlefield blind, my heart racing I let out a sigh of relief as the tips of my fingers grasped the cool plastic edges of my five year old LG Chocolate. Sliding open the menu I discovered a text message from my dear friend Angelo
-"Do0d3 we3 pLayyyyinnnn dis sik game uh volleeebawl goin' on tonite. U in? thar fittin tah be sum seck-see lay-dees dare."

Startled by his impressive display of grammatical prowess, I decide to retort with an ivy-league level response.
-"AwW H33eE3lLzZzZ YeAh BoiiIiIi"

I passed the hours before the coming event by reading a debate between some of the world's wisest minds. I am of course speaking about the breathtakingly brilliant discussions in the comment section of an "Xbox is Totally better than Playstation" youtube video. After the opposing sides of the argument exchanged blows back and forth in their incredible bout of intensified verbal retorts, they both came to the same conclusion: the opposition was a "no life fanboy." I admit, I was quite taken aback by such a unifying theorem, however when I let that golden claim wash over me, something magical happened. It seemed in a bleak moment of clarity everything made sense to me, string theory was all clear, Einstein's theory of relativity was all reaffirmed, and the plot to kill Rachel and Harvey Dent in "The Dark Knight" didn't seem stupidly over elaborate.

-To be continued